


Bright and Light and Loud

by Kushiel



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Depression, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Slash, Self-Esteem Issues, Sometimes Jaskier gets sad too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29773914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kushiel/pseuds/Kushiel
Summary: Jaskier looks up from his ale, surprised to find Geralt mid-lecture. He must have missed the build up, which is disappointing. (aka a depressed Jaskier drabble)
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 5
Kudos: 64





	Bright and Light and Loud

**Author's Note:**

> A little drabble where I project my own depression onto Jaskier.

Jaskier looks up from his ale, surprised to find Geralt mid-lecture. He must have missed the build up, which is disappointing. 

It is a well worn argument that takes a well worn course. Even without paying attention, Jaskier knows that Geralt started by spending exactly thirty-two seconds trying to bind Jaskier to his chair by glare alone. Then, when he realized he would have to use his words, he spent another ten seconds taking a single slow, deep, breath. Geralt surely sighed, started to speak, aborted, and then five seconds later got going for real. 

The absolute predictability is both comforting and infuriating. Jaskier is not convinced that Geralt isn’t just having him on, so he usually tries to pay attention from the start. When the Witcher slips up Jaskier will catch him.

Geral’s lecture is already in full swing, and...oh. There it is. That lovely hint of a growl which colors his voice when he gets agitated. Jaskier idly wonders if Geralt will ever realize that Jaskier might stop baiting him if Geralt didn’t rise to each occasion so beautifully.  __

“-mated pairs are  _ dangerous _ , Jaskier. My attention will be divided and for once in your life I need you to listen to me and  _ stay. the. fuck. here _ .” 

Jaskier knows his lines in this script. This is the part where he brushes off the danger, where he whines and wheedles and then finally promises to stay behind. Of course, he will follow anyway. Jaskier will be damned before he lets Geralt bleed out in some field while Jaskier was busy chasing bosom or bottle. 

He opens his mouth to say his part, pulling in a low and deep breath as he prepares his monologue. He pushes his breath up from his abdomen, rolls it up his ribcage, and by the time the breath starts to crest his throat he finds he’s already exhausted. He lets the breath out in a rush.

Jaskier closes his eyes. 

Geralt is still lecturing at a rate Jaskier thinks he should be flattered by, the man must have been taking notes. 

Jaskier braces himself, then shoves the words forward. 

“...okay Geralt, okay.” 

“I don’t  _ care _ that you need material, you will stay here where you are --” Geralt breaks off mid-sentence, blinking. He stares at Jaskier, clearly trying to assess if this easy agreement was some new gambit. 

After a long moment, Geralt’s shoulders drop.

“...alright, good. That’s...good”. 

Geralt keeps staring; small noises rise from the back of his throat as he searches for new lines. But Jaskier is the wordsmith and Geralt a dancer. After another long moment, Geralt meets Jaskier’s eyes, nods deeply, and then clasps his hands on their table and shoves his chair back in one fluid motion. He is graceful even as he strides out the door. 

Jaskier’s relief is instant; his guilt a step behind. The smile he’d been holding drops and his vision blurs as he stares at the empty doorway.

He hates when he gets like this, when food is bland and songs are fleeting. What good is a bard who cannot enjoy the spices of life? How can he stir emotion in a stranger when he can’t in himself? 

The minutes pass Jaskier by. 

His beer is warming, but it is too much energy to lift his arm and drink. Soon, very soon, he knows he is going to have to drag himself upstairs to their room, get his medical kit, and find Geralt. The world may be grey, but Geralt bleeds red. And someone needs to be there to patch him up. 

He will bear Geralt’s anger tonight and then head to the city tomorrow. There’s a competition starting next week where the judges will value his perfect pitch, deft fingers, and classic repertoire. Inspiration is not needed when perfection will suffice. Geralt need not suffer him like this, not when Jaskier cannot even bring good coin. A traveling bard who cannot entertain is no bard at all. 

Once the color returns to his world he will return to his white wolf. He will make himself large; fill the cracks and crevices in a room until there is no room left for the hatred of strangers. He will be Jaskier - bright and light and loud. Jaskier is sure of his place in this world. But today...Julian is tired. 

  
  



End file.
